The One Year Milestone
I was just thinking the other day how it will be four years this summer that Sean and I started trying to have a baby. WOW! We've really been patient. Looking back four years ago when we first thought about trying, I never thought we would still be waiting for baby Duffey after four years. In infertility and the adoption wait, significant dates or time periods such as how long we've been trying may sneak up upon us. An unfamiliar eye may not notice the hurt the dates cause on my face. Even close family and friends may never remember them, and if they do they may not acknowledge them out of fear of causing me pain. The reflection upon the meaning of the date can bring tears to my eyes. When talking to Sean about the “what ifs” I may become emotional, but just for a minute. Sometimes I may get quiet and need to be alone while I watch others with their families, all the while praying mine will also grow soon. In the last month or two, I have noticed there have been more of these moments. After reflection on this, I then realized why.
After our failed placement in May, I quickly realized that we had now officially been a waiting family in adoption for a year. The wait to be a mommy & daddy seems like it’s been an eternity. Yet it was only a year ago that we signed with IAC and decided to be parents through open adoption; what an amazing decision we made! After we went live in May of last year, I was feeling a bit overwhelmed but excited as I set up an Instagram, Facebook and Twitter account especially for the purpose of networking in adoption. We are very private people so I didn't know if all of that was necessary as only 20% of placements come from networking, they said, but why not? I only have control over so much and it feels good to try to do something. In the past year, our one and only match came from us and our use of networking. I do wonder how much longer we will continue to wait again but that's not where I focus my energy. We were told when we signed the average wait to have a child in our home is twelve to eighteen months. We’ve officially reached one of those milestones now. Now that we've been with the agency a year, we are able to be added to the last minue hospital list and have the potential to be selected by a family who needs to make a list minute decision about adoption. Sean and I know there are risks in choosing to be placed on this list but we know the reward far outweighs any of those risks! I hope the family who chooses to place their child with us will know how loved and wanted they were and will always be.
About two weeks ago, I saw a woman on social media after giving birth who had posted her pregnancy announcement about the time of my November miscarriage. The precious new baby and momma reminded me of an important date that would’ve been coming up for our family. If my fourth pregnancy would have sustained, I would be due to give birth to our first child any day now. Luckily it is not something I think about often, but as we enter this month of June, those thoughts are there. How big would my belly be? Would I be able to touch my toes? What would our child look like? Would it be a boy or girl? Did we adopt also and so is this child a younger sibling? All of these questions were never meant to be answered. It was God’s plan for me to still be waiting on baby Duffey.
Around this time in June of last year, I was making plans to celebrate Father’s day but my heart was heavy once again. We had just had our second unexplained miscarriage, our doctor was recommending testing and we were contacted by an expectant mom but had no follow up. I focused on Father’s day though. I was blessed with the most amazing dad when my mom married my father. I was just three years old when he rode in to our lives on that motorcycle. I try every year to show him how special he is to me. Usually though, his day is content if he can play golf and grill out with his family. On his day last year, he knew my heart was aching and he made every extra effort for his little girl. Love him. Each day that passes, I also grow more and more excited to make my dad a "pappie," as he wants to be called. He is so excited to teach them how to high-five, cheer them in their favorite activities and just watch them grow up. I’m also grateful for two pretty cool father-n-laws. They are already wonderful grandpas to our beautiful niece and nephews. Even though my husband isn’t technically a dad, he is the best provider and protector of our family. He loves me, our puppies, and our family and friends so much. There isn’t anything he wouldn’t do for any of them. I thank God every day for Sean Patrick. One of these days he will be a daddy on Father's Day. The child who gets to call him daddy will be truly lucky.
The past month has been difficult for us; it could possibly be one of the most difficult in our marriage. Letting go of something that we dreamed of, prayed for and have wanted badly for years and losing it after having come so close to it was brutal. I think of her often, less now than before, but I worry and hope that she, her mom and family are OK. It feels good to reflect on these past few months, and look back at the beautiful moments we’ve shared with friends and family, and together. I feel reflection allows you time to share with others, gives you another time to grieve, but most of all a time to reflect on how you've grown from those past experiences. What did I learn from them? My marriage, perservence, and positivity are much stronger than they were one year ago.
Although we let ourselves be sad, it’s never for long. Sean and I were just discussing the other day how much we love that we do not dwell on the heartache. I'm surrounded by such strong, positive women who are inspirational to me. One of them being my best friend, Alicia, who's strength is an inspiration to me everyday. We must grieve our losses, and honor those that will never be but it's important to move forward. Neither of us can believe how much has happened in the past one year! We look around at our family and friends and it's just amazing to see how blessed we all are. To mix things up and to further celebrate, please check out the short flipagram with the video at the end to introduce ourselves, and look back on our wait for baby Duffey!
